Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
i now understand why vodka
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
