I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I can't turn off my feet"
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
