kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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