i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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