I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
