Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
