Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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