Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
