Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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