Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
my being single is dangerous.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
