He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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