defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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