o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
