We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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