paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
