There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
