we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
