i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
