fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
