is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize