one word: firstdatebathroomanal
handjob tips. give me some.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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