we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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