Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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