I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
