How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
