it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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