I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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