I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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