I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
