He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
