The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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