so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
