That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
