its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
