I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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