508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize