Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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