please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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