i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
