He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
