Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize