The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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