a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
