i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I have aggressive nipples.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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