I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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