i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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