He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Randomize