so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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