The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
