you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
