I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
