woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize