oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
