its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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