but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
