I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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