if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
