You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
