he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
