So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
