You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
