Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
