____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Pants 0. Shit 1.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
