Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
