I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
vagina is talking i cant
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
