About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
