I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
