and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
