just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize